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her affair cheatingCatch her cheating

Steps to catch a cheater

Catch her cheating

Got a girl that’s fun, sexy, spontaneous, and even makes her own money, but you just don’t trust her? You went into this knowing she was a bit of a good time girl with lots of friends, male and female, a lively social life, and sex appeal that's bound to attract attention wherever you go. You thought you could handle it, a fun middle of the road relationship that has some casual aspects and some more committed features to it. But, along the way, you began to feel more deeply about the girl, got a little possessive (in your mind at least), and began letting it eat you up inside when her flirty little ways attracted outside male attention.

This was supposed to be ok, per your original arrangement, but it got to the point where it wasn’t for you, so you had the “exclusive serious relationship talk” with her. To your surprise, she agreed with you and said she too wanted to take things to a more serious and committed level. You are ecstatic and start thinking this could be the one.

Things go along well for a month or two and she seems to settle down a bit. She’s not so flirty, not in the mood to party and be in a huge crowd of “friends” all the time, and even demonstrates some domestic tendencies, spending a little more time at your place doing the type of things a wife might do. She still maintains her own home, but is spending about half or more of her time at your place. But after a few weeks of this you begin to see some chinks in the armor and some return to her old way of doing things. You become convinced that she’s begun cheating and you feel the need to take steps to catch her cheating and then decide what to do from there.

Here’s What You Do to uncover her affair

Tell her that you want to spend the upcoming weekend at her place for a change (something you’ve done only rarely and not at all since “the talk”). First, observe her reaction. Is she immediately looking for an excuse to get out of it? Does she look concerned or nervous? Does she flat out refuse with little to no explanation? Any of these are reasons to have your suspicions aroused, but don’t jump the gun just yet.

If she actually consents to it, go ahead and go through with it as planned. This is where she lives “her life” away from you. So, she normally doesn’t have to make any adjustments or put on any “faces” here. Therefore, there are likely to be clues to any secret activities suggesting cheating that would not appear when she is at your place. Be on the lookout for these. But if there seems to be nothing and the place seems almost too “squeaky clean”, this may be a red flag as well because she has simply cleansed the place of clues before your arrival. Either way, it will give you some insight into her life away from you and help you decide whether the whole endeavor is worth this type of worry and distrust.

You may very well decide that it’s not and want to move on to a relationship that starts out on more solid ground in the first place.

steps find him cheatingIs he cheating?

Is he cheating?

Steps to catch a cheater in the act

Most women have wondered at one time or another how they can guard against their man if he’s cheating. Or better yet, how they can catch him cheating. Although it would be the most obvious and easy, I think most women would rather not experience the trauma of finding him cheating...red handed in the act, possibly in their own bed. This is a pretty awful scene, real or imagined. I think the majority would rather come across it a little more indirectly. Of course there are many methods and steps to try to catch a cheater. They range from the very stealthy and borderline devious to the direct confrontation.

I have two things to say about this before we go any further. If you are so insecure in the relationship either due to your own hang-ups or he really is giving you ample reason to suspect him of infidelity, then you probably don’t belong in the relationship to begin with. My rule of thumb is if I spend more than a quarter of my time distrusting, thinking negatively of, or suspecting this person, then it is not my time, energy, or especially my love and devotion. The other is, why waste your time and energy on the investigation anyway? Given enough time and leeway the cheater inevitably nearly always “hangs himself”. If you are suspicious but downplay it or don’t show it at all he will often become too comfortable in his lie falsely believing he is pulling it off so well that you have no idea. But, if you simply must know now, and can’t wait for him to slip up so badly that his cheating is all but undeniable, here are a couple of ideas for you to push things along.

Catching a cheater: The Devious Approach

He is exhibiting some classic signs of a man carrying on illicit affairs. Things such as working late more often, being a little more tethered to his phone than normal, losing interest in sex at home, and becoming generally disengaged. You suspect him but have no hard evidence and you can stand the suspense no longer. Plan some sort of fictional trip out of town that seems plausible and could be corroborated by others you may choose to bring into your confidence. Something like a business trip with colleagues or weekend getaway with a couple girlfriends (the kind who would back you up if he talked to them). Plan the trip, pack the bag, have the fake departure, but don’t leave town. Stay at some out of the way motel and carefully observe him and his movements and activities throughout the weekend. If he is cheating, he will almost certainly take advantage of this golden opportunity. It sounds terrible I know, but I told you in the beginning I would not recommend any of this because if you feel the need to go to these lengths something big is missing from the relationship anyway and it is most likely doomed to fail sooner or later.

Catch a cheater: The Direct Approach

If you want to be a little more upfront about things and save yourself the time of concocting an elaborate scheme such as the one above, just come straight out and ask him about it. But don’t make it too easy for him to simply sidestep or deny. Find some piece of evidence like a text, picture, email, phone log, strangely perfumed shirt, or car missing from the work parking lot when it shouldn’t be, and put it in your back pocket to use if necessary. Then simply tell him you have had a strange feeling and suspect him of cheating...woman’s intuition. Do it at a time when he can’t make an excuse to get out of talking to you. Don’t build it up too much or he’ll know something's up. If he denies it outright at first, come at him with your piece of evidence. If he sidesteps this, refuses to explain himself, or simply continues to deny it, then pull out the last stop (going back to the devious tool bag on this one). Tell him you received a text that was obviously not meant for you. He must have sent you by mistake and reveals he has been talking to another woman. If he still won’t crack you’re either barking up the wrong tree and have done irreparable damage to the relationship or he is sold on his lie and the only way you’re going to get him is to catch him red handed in the act of cheating.